lies, jokes, and high school

CHARACTER LIST

     Cat           A 14 year old girl

     Jurnee        A 14 year old girl

     Mel           A 19 year old woman

     Lauren        A 14 year old girl

     Vanessa       A 14 year old girl

     Mrs. Robles   A woman in her 40’s

ACT 1

SCENE ONE

SETTING: We are in a bedroom. It is 7 am. There is a bed in the center of the room. There are two girls in the room. The younger of the two, stands by a mirror, adjusting the shirt she has just put on while the older sleeps on the bed in the middle of the bedroom.

Cat: Hey, Mel. Wake up! You have to take us to school.

Mel: No.

Cat: Mel! Mom said you have to take us to school. Get up.

Mel: I don’t have to take you guys anywhere.

Cat: Mel! C’mon! I have to go. Jurnee’s mom is gonna drop her off in a bit, and you take forever to get dressed.

Mel: You see that stop sign at the end of the road? There’s this big, yellow thing. It drives by every morning and stops there at the same time. It will pick you up. For free! It’s called a school bus. You and jurnee should get out there, or you’re gonna miss it.

Cat: You are such a jerk. I’m gonna call mom.

Mel: Call her. I don’t care. (rolls over in bed to face away from Cat) tattle-tits.

(Jurnee enters the room)

Cat: Hey, how did you get in here?

Jurnee: You’re front door was unlocked. Are you ready?

Cat: Yeah, give me a sec. I’m trying to get Mel to take us to school. She’s trying to get us to ride the bus.

Jurnee: (Walking over to the bed, raises her hand high and spanks Mel’s behind hard) Good morning, Mel!

Mel: (Farts Loudly) Jurnee! (yells angrily)

Jurnee: (laughs uncontrollably) That was hilarious. I should have recorded that.

Mel: Too bad, not doing it again.

Jurnee: Can you take us to school now?

Mel: Like I said, the bus should be passing any minute now

Jurnee: Aw, c’mon Mel. Did you ride the bus on your first day of high school? Plus, we don’t even know where were supposed to go, so if you dropped us, you could point us in the right direction. Ya know?

Mel: Alright alright. I’m serious though. The bus will get you there. Today only.

Cat: Why was that so easy?

Mel: I like giving you a hard time.

Cat: Whatever. Hurry up.

Mel: It’s gonna take me like twenty minutes. I’ve gotta wash up and put on some shoes.

Jurnee: That’s cool. Take your time. We don’t have anywhere to be or anything.

Mel: Shut up, jurnee.

Cat: Seriously, though. It took us forever and a day to get you out of bed, and we’re kind of in a hurry.

Mel: I’m going. Stop talking.

Jurnee: Oh, yeah, I was gonna tell you. My mom’s gonna pick us up after school.

Mel: Wow. Hope she has a strong back. Has she met Cat?

Jurnee: (Begins laughing loudly) That is so mean. But also so funny.

Cat: You’re a douche.

Mel: It was a joke, Catty. Don’t get so butthurt so easily. I’m getting you ready for high school. You’ll thank me for these jokes someday.

(Mel leaves stage to go get ready)

Jurnee: Are you excited?

Cat: Not really. I couldn’t sleep last night. I was so nervous.

Jurnee: Yeah, me either. We’ll be fine though. What class you got first?

Cat: English, with Richards.

Jurnee: (chuckles a bit) Good luck with that old bag.

Cat: What’s wrong with her?

Jurnee: Aside from being super old. She’s a jerk. She’s been at this school since my mom and dad came here. Everyone’s scared of her. She’s pretty much a butthole.

Cat: Do you have her, too?

Jurnee: Nah, she couldn’t handle me. Remember that old substitute last year? Every time he would walk into a class and see me, he would hand me a referral. Said it was best if I did my work in the office. What a butt. But yeah, I’ve got Ms. Funkhouser. I’ve heard she’s nice, and her class is easy.

Cat: Blah, why do I always get the buttholes.

Jurnee: I don’t know. But that sucks.

Cat: How do we know what the rest of our schedule looks like?

Jurnee: When we get to our first period, they’ll give us our complete schedule with a map and all this other crap.

Cat: How do you know?

Jurnee: Because I’m Jurnee. I know everything. And my older brother told me. He’s gonna be a sophomore this year.

Cat: So what if we don’t have any classes together? That would suck.

Jurnee: It’ll be okay. We’ll all have the same lunch period. We’ll eat lunch together.

Cat: Alright. Just text me so I’ll know where to meet you.

Jurnee: Yeah, of course. Don’t worry. We’re going to meet tons of people anyways. But, we’re still gonna be best friends. We’ve been best friends since the first grade.

Cat: Friends for life?

Jurnee: Yeah, homies since the first grade. I got you, girl.

Mel: (yelling from off stage) Hurry Up!

Jurnee and Cat: Going!

SCENE TWO

SETTING: We are in a high school cafeteria. It is freshman lunch. There are several students some wandering around while others are already seated at a table with their lunch trays, partaking in their own conversation. Cat is seated at a table, fiddling with a cell phone. Jurnee walks into the room with two other girls.

Jurnee: Hey, I found you!

Cat: Hey, where have you been? I’ve been texting you!

Jurnee: I’ve been looking for you, too! And I don’t have my phone.

Cat: What happened to your phone?

Jurnee: It’s kind of a long story. I’ll tell you about it right now. Let’s go get some food. Oh yeah, this is Lauren and Vanessa! Remember them?

Lauren and Vanessa: Hey

Cat: They look familiar.

Jurnee: We had them in elementary school. They were in the next room over. Remember? Anyway, I have them for three classes so far. They’re gonna hang with us.

Cat: Cool. (not very excited)

(The four girls leave the stage to go get food. The four girls return shortly after with trays in hand, and sit at a table.)

Jurnee: Isn’t this place so weird?

Cat: It’s school, jurnee.

Jurnee: yeah, but the way they always made it seem in the movies. Like look, over there! Those cheerleaders are not even pretty—like “Bring it On” made them seem so fierce and beautiful. It’s misleading.

Cat: (begins laughing) oh gosh. Stop. Leave those poor girls alone. They have a lot of confidence to put that outfit on, even when they don’t have the body for it.

Vanessa: That’s my sister.

Jurnee: Sorry. We weren’t even really talking about them, we we’re—

Vanessa: Nah, I’m just kidding. (begins laughing)

Lauren: That was a good one.

Jurnee: Yeah, I need to watch what I say

Cat: that’ll never happen. You are right about the movies though.

Jurnee: I like to say what I feel. Who cares? My honesty should be appreciated. And yeah, I wish it were like the movies. I could be Regina George.

Cat: Whatever. So what happened to your phone, again?

Jurnee: Oh yeah, it’s a pretty good story. Vanessa, Lauren, and I were in class, and we were in this group doing this ice breaker thing. And we started talking about Becky. Remember Becky? Well she’s in that class too. And she looks so different, like she really lost some weight. Like what did she do? It doesn’t go away over night, right? Someone should go ask her. Anyway, Lauren wanted to see a before picture. So we started looking through some old pictures online but we couldn’t find one that really showed how she looked, because she had the angles, and—

Cat: Wait, what are the angles?

Jurnee: C’mon, Cat. The angles. It’s like when a photo is from a weird angle. Like when they’re holding the camera so high up to make them look thin, or it’s zoomed so into their face you can’t see their body. You get me?

Cat: (laughs) yeah, yeah. I get you. Okay, go on.

Jurnee: but yeah, she has the angles. Or at least she used to have them. And we couldn’t find a decent before picture to compare her to. So while we were having this conversation about the angles, I found a really funny “angles” picture of her, and when I passed the phone to Lauren, Funkhouser passed by and took it away. She turned in to the office, so now I have to wait till the end of the day.

Cat: Well that sucks.

Jurnee: Yeah. I can get it back though. So it’s not too bad. So how’s everyone’s day going? Mine apparently sucks so far.

Vanessa: Eh, it’s like whatever. There’s not much to it. We’re not even doing anything. We go and they give us the same stupid rules we’ve been told all our lives.

Lauren: My classes are good so far, aside from the rules part. They should gather us all and say the same thing one time, instead of making me sit through it seven times. It’s stupid. I think this year’s gonna be easy.

Jurnee: Hey, Let me see you guys’ schedules

(everyone takes out a paper and lays it on  the table. The papers begin to circulate around the table)

Lauren: Oh, cool. Me and Cat have our next two classes together.

Vanessa: I’m in there, too. Look. (pointing to the schedule) Only one of them though.

Jurnee: Me, too!

SCENE THREE

SETTING: We are in Jurnee’s home. Jurnee and Cat are having dinner with Jurnee’s mother. It is about 6 o’clock.

Cat: Thanks for having me over for dinner, Ms. Robles. It’s delicious.

Mrs. Robles: You’re welcome, Cat.

Cat: And thanks for picking me up from school today.

Jurnee: It’s okay, she doesn’t mind. She has a strong back. (begins laughing)

Cat: (glaring over at Jurnee) Really?

Mrs. Robles: What was that Jurnee, I missed it.

Jurnee: This morning, I told Cat’s sister about you picking her up from school and she said she hopes you have a strong back. it was funny

Mrs. Robles: Jurnee. That’s not nice.

Cat: It’s okay, Momma Robles. It was pretty funny.

Mrs. Robles: Well, I’m sorry Poppa Robles couldn’t be here, he had to work late, and Justin’s still at football practice. I’m sure they would love to hear about your first day of school.

Jurnee: it wasn’t that great.

Cat: It was okay. There wasn’t much to be nervous about.

Mrs. Robles: Well, do you two like your classes?

Cat: Yeah. They’re fine.

Mrs. Robles: Jurnee? What about you?

Jurnee: They’re okay.

Mrs. Robles: What did you learn today?

Jurnee: O-M-G

Mrs. Robles: what happened?

Jurnee: I-D-K

Mrs. Robles: huh?

Jurnee: L-O-L

Mrs. Robles: Jurnee. Be serious.

Jurnee: I am being serious. They’re called acronyms. I learned that today.

Mrs. Robles: Oh, Jurnee. What about you, Cat?

Cat: I learned about “the angles”.

Mrs. Robles: What’s “the angles”?

Jurnee: It’s really not important. You know, just math stuff. Geometry and what not. Also, is it too soon to have senioritus? Because I’m pretty sure I have it.

Mrs. Robles: I better not find out you’re skipping school, Jurnee! You never know when I’m gonna swing by the school looking for you, and you better be there. Cat, make sure she’s there.

Jurnee: Mom, if I skip school Cat’s gonna be with me. Duh?

Mrs. Robles: (glaring at both girls sternly) I better not—

Cat: Of course we’re not ever gonna skip school, Momma Robles. You know Jurnee. Such a kidder. (turning towards Jurnee and whispers) Can you shut up already? Can we not piss off your mom? You’re gonna make her hate me.

Jurnee: (whispering back) She doesn’t hate you. I’m pretty sure she loves you more than me. I’m actually certain of it. She tells me all the time. (talking louder now) She knows I’m just joking. Right, mom?

Mrs. Robles: Behave. I don’t want to get letters in the mail about your grades and I don’t wanna get calls home about your behavior.

(Mrs. Robles gets up from her chair, about to grab her empty plate)

Cat: Leave that there! I got it. I’m gonna wash the dishes.

Mrs. Robles: Thank you, Cat. Maybe Jurnee can learn something.

(Mrs. Robles leaves the room)

Jurnee: Thanks for kissing my mom’s butt. Now I don’t have to.

Cat: Why do you like doing that to her?

Jurnee: She likes it. I keep her on her toes.

Cat: Me and you are so different.

Jurnee: that’s a good thing. My mom wouldn’t want two of me around here all the time.

Cat: True.

Jurnee: She’s probably gonna get that letter in the mail and that phone call. And you know what? I will skip school. I’m not gonna do it tomorrow or anything, but I’m not gonna lie and say I’m never gonna do it.

Cat: (laughing) you’re so bad. Did you even listen to her? I’m not ever gonna do it.

Jurnee: Yeah, you will. You’re gonna be right there next to me.

Cat: will not.

Jurnee: Yeah, you will. Senior year me and you are gonna hit up the beach. Have breakfast on the island. Mark my words

Cat: Alright, whatever you say. It’s highly unlikely though.

Jurnee: you’ll see. And we’ll take a picture on the beach and send it to my mom. She’d love that.

Mrs. Robles: Jurnee!

Jurnee: (yelling) going! (whispering to Cat) See. Told you she’d love it. This year’s gonna be great. I can feel it.